


The edge of the abyss

by Starishadow



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Angst, Basically Lots of Angst, Character Study, Depression, Drowning, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, but maybe a slightly less angsty ending?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-25 11:47:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16660585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starishadow/pseuds/Starishadow
Summary: No matter how far he walked, no matter how fast he ran… The darkness was there. It whispered painful words in his ears, it played with his heart, it flirted with his soul.





	The edge of the abyss

For years, he had felt it creeping up to him, every step he took, every mile he walked, he could still feel it following him.  
Silently but steadily, it kept gaining ground, catching up to him.  
No matter how far he walked, no matter how fast he ran… The darkness was there. It whispered painful words in his ears, it played with his heart, it flirted with his soul.  
  
For years he fought it, with bright smiles and cheerful songs.  
He clung with all his strength to the cheering of his fans when he stepped on the stage, to the warmth of his friends' embrace, he held on to his music and to his dreams …  
But the music had long since stopped, and his dreams were slowly turning into nightmares.  
He couldn’t return his fans' smiles, he couldn’t sing for them, not anymore… the lyrics tasted so bitter on his tongue, that the words kept getting stuck in his throat, choking him. Every concert, every interview, every meet&greet left him more drained and more breathless.  
He just wanted a pause, take a small break, but jobs kept piling up, life became busier and busier, he lost his friends, one after the other, each of them whirled away by the ectic lives they had been thrown into.  
He knew his friends could swim well, he was the one getting more and more tired, slowly falling behind, slowly drowning.  
  
For years he had been tiptoeing on the edge of the abyss, he kept walking on that tightrope, constantly on the verge of falling down into the dark, into the cold.  
  
Lyrics about pain, and anger, and fear, and blood and death kept piling up on the desk in his room, as well as the cuts and bruises increased on his pale skin day by day... But only silly, lovey-dovey songs ever came out of that room for the fans to hear; only the perfect image of a happy idol in flashy, yet princely, costumes with long sleeves appeared in front of the cheering crowd.  
Their cheers kept haunting him at night, their happiness twisting into ropes that tied him so tight he couldn’t move, nor breathe, their voices deafening.  
He didn’t hate his fans, he just wished they could understand.  
He wished they could save him, like they said he saved them with his songs.  
Funny how those same songs were silently taking his life away.  
  
There were nights that lyrics he wished he could write would gnaw at his chest, words caught in his skin that tried to get out so hard they hurt, forcing him to bite and tear at his own skin just so that they could break free, bleeding out from him.  
If only pain could bleed away like that, too.  
There were times he’d find himself panting on the floor, too dizzy from blood loss to move, and he’d lazily wonder if that would be the end of him.  
Turns out it never was.  
He wasn’t supposed to die for some liquid leaving his body.  
Quite the contrary, apparently.  
  
Water flooded his lungs, drowning all the pain and fear and anger, all the words he couldn’t sing, all the things he never said.  
  
It was only when he was about to lose consciousness that all those haunting whispers that had kept him company all those years finally stopped, silenced by the water that was ending him. And with them silenced, other voices echoed in his ears.  
  
Reiji’s laughter, Hibiki's jokes, Kei's music.  
If water hadn’t already been burning his eyes, tears would have.  
  
Memories flashed by his eyes as his sight darkened, and those were memories of smiles, laughter, happiness, hope and life.  
They were coming back to him now that he was about to lose them once for all.  
Of course life had to hate him just that much.  
  
He let himself slip into darkness, lulled by those memories that were finally there to comfort him.  
He was barely conscious when he felt something pull him up and out of the water, he felt air being forced into his lungs once again.  
He accepted it, let his body cough up water and fear, let his lungs shakily fill themselves with much needed air, and he endured the pain that came from it, but never once did he allow himself to open his eyes.  
The memories were still there, and he had no intentions of waking up from them anytime soon. He hadn’t felt so at peace for so long, after all... And nobody would miss him anyway, right?

**Author's Note:**

> So... First Fanfiction about utapri here on ao3, and of course it's some angst about Aine.  
> And he's my favourite character, I promise! But I felt I needed to explore both the bright and the dark side of his soul... So, here's the painful one, maybe I'll work on something happier next time! ;D  
> Thanks for reading and feel free to leave a comment! English isn't my first language, so if you wanna help me improve by pointing out any mistake, I'll be forever grateful!


End file.
